For the bulk of the last decade, I hibernated. I was seriously focused on my career and on growing my art practice and the mental energy and selfish energy spent, left little time for anything or anyone else.

Now that I am a bit older (I turned 50 this last year) and more relaxed about the career, I have decided to jump back into the dating pool.

What a difference from the last time I was here.

I don’t know what the protocols are anymore.

Do girls still play by The Rules? Does that really work or Are we emancipated and expected to be proactive?

When is it ok to Call? or Text? or Email?

Why are there so many communication channels and which is right and which is too annoying? And how do you know?

With online dating there are many folks to choose from – shopping for men is like shopping for shoes?

I am having a ball meeting folks but not sure how to navigate the waters to really getting to know someone and how the tools we have today can help facilitate that or which should be avoided.

Technology aside, it still comes down to meeting in person and seeing what germinates through mutual interest and attraction. 

I have been on a handful of dates now and experienced the range. The pontificator, the storyteller, the student, the guy still reeking sadness from the loss of his wife, the goofy guy who is a blast to be around, the meek mouse, the interesting but too techy guy, and the hugely charismatic super physical attraction can’t keep our hands off each other on the first date guy.

I am as unclear about how this all proceeds, as I am about how I should be behaving. I am a lot older now than I was the last time I ventured into the dating pool. My priorities are night and day from last time and I am much more centered and totally happy with my place in my life right now than I ever have been.

The deep questions arise about what I am looking for. How serious do I want to be?

How physical?

How much companionship versus physicality or a blend of both do I need?

Or do I find some of each from different people and is that ok? 

Gender stigmas from when I was growing up keep raising their head – how slutty am I to go home with and sleep with someone who I am seriously physically attracted to on the first date? And is it ok that our second date was an overnight visit?

I am wrestling with these questions as I continue reaching out and exploring this great wide pool of single white straight men that have been hiding away here in San Francisco.