We connect on tinder and text back and forth for about a half hour before he finally asks me out. We agree to meet tonight and set a time. I pick my place and we are set.

I arrive a bit early – there is a line. It’s gorgeous outside and this place has outdoor seating and a view so it’s no wonder. Everyone is out enjoying the amazing warm san francisco winter. 

I text him to let him know I am there and that I put my name in for a table. 
He arrives. Pleasantly taller than I expected, not too big and a bit cuter than his photos.   

We get into the place and find a ½ table to perch at while waiting for our table to sit. 

We chat a bit – a bit about dancing, some about his job. He talks. I ask questions. He talks. He buys me a drink. He gets one for himself too – in his profile he said he didn’t drink but here he is having a margarita. 

He lights up when talking about the dancing. Swing, tango and blues. 

Eventually we get a table and order a little bit of food. I don’t want to eat a lot – I had a small dinner earlier since it wasn’t clear to me if this was drinks only or food too. 

We talk a lot more – he tells me about the job, about moving cross country and about dancing and the different styles. We talk a bit about the differences between Tinder and OkCupid and the dates. I am trying not to talk about the ex or too much detail about dates and try to ask him questions about himself in a conversation. 

He asks very little about me. Even the old standby when I say something about walking the dog – he doesn’t ask what kind of dog I have.   

He spends a lot of time telling me about how he wants to write more and how he wants to draw and paint more but doesn’t have time because of studying for the perm interview at his job. I begin to think this is more therapy than a date. I am encouraging but I don’t know this guy. 

When we talk about dancing I am hoping he will suggest we go and that he can teach me a bit. But it never comes up. 

When our bill comes and I offer some money, rather than say no, no, he goes sure. So I pay my half. Then he jokes about the right thing to do. Dude – the right thing to do on a date – especially a fairly cheap one – is to pick up the tab. Well that was fairly clear where this was going.

Eventually the restaurant is closing and they kick us out. We have managed to talk for four hours but I feel as if it was seriously one sided. I don’t want to monopolize the date by talking about myself but I didn’t get the feeling he was that interested in learning anything about me at all. 

At one point I ask him what he is looking for from the dating and he says he wants to find the woman of his dreams, the one he will spend the rest of his life with. He was married before for 18 years and he wants to be a husband again. He asks me what I want and I am honest. I do want to find someone to be with but I don’t know right now but I want to have fun while I am looking. I think I am too flip. All this introspection has made me lose a bit of the snarky play I had last year.   

Last year was all about sex. Tonight that never even comes up. It’s all about him, his searching, his roadblocks. 

We go out to the street and chat while I call for a car – which cancels itself. WTF? I hail a cab and then he walks me to the cab. I give him a hug which takes him by surprise – he hugs back and says “I’ll be in touch.” WTF? A little more enthusiasm please. We obviously don’t have a connection here and we both know it – nice enough but no sparks for friendship or more. He is missing that spark of humor I like in a man – that silly play – that irony – that not taking things too seriously yet being completely serious about having a great life and good time at it. 

I come home and work a bit to find him on OKC – we are high level enemies with serious issues according the stats. 

Not a FUCK Yea here.