As I have left the second monogamous relationship in 3 years after dating several people at the same time, several who are poly and in open relationships, I find myself on the prowl again. This time though, I am explicitly looking for ethical non-monogamy and people in open relationships or open to being in an open relationship.

The tenor of people I am meeting has changed as has my attitude and my approach. This time, if there isn’t a spark or strong chemistry, then I move on. I’ve broken off with a few people already, some after the first date, others after the 2nd or third.

I am in early stages- first date to happen or second date to happen with a few people and am excited about the prospects.

I have found myself in an interesting triad with a couple. I like them both although I am more attracted to him in terms of how he touches me and kisses me. I like to play with her but she is a bit ADD for my tastes and has melt downs and proselytizes  too much for my tastes but she is adorable in a ditzy way. Mostly she touches and plays with me – I have kissed her but haven’t done anything else.

On the other hand he is an amazing sensual dom and he has really turned me onto sensation play—something I didn’t even know existed before meeting these two.

A brief liaison with a married lawyer in an open relationship was a short run – giants games and drinks and trying to fuck but disappointing sex. Plus when he did have an erection, the fit wasn’t right. I really couldn’t feel him and that was disappointing. I don’t like to judge but that’s gotta be the right fit too. He kisses great and goes down on me in a lovely way – but is a bit timid. He is in major exploratory mode and has followed another path – I likened it to a puppy following a butterfly – meandering and getting sidetracked by shiny objects. It’s ok – and I appreciate the time I had with him.

I have reconnected with the tall poly guy from 3 years ago. We didn’t follow up after the time we had sex back then – I met one exclusive bf shortly after and his primary moved in with him so it was all good.

I rarely thought of him over the years but then I saw him on Tinder and swiped right. and suddenly it was a match so I messaged him. His profile mentioned bi-curious only to play with him and a partner and I was like cool since I have been experimenting with the couple.

He messaged me back and talked about getting together at a play party he would put together. After about a month, we finally had a date. I showed up and over the course of 5-6 hours, I reconnected with him – first kissing and having an amazing connection – then fucking and oral sex and more fucking – and I connected with his play partner – and had my first experience playing with a woman and going down on her.

Kissing breasts and really making out with another woman—all new experiences. Oh my god she was delicious. I have been curious for awhile but never really acted on it because I am viscerally and physically attracted to men, but this was an amazing encounter.

I was tried ecstasy for the first time (not a keeper – hated it) and the vibe and chemistry in the room was thick between all of us. I got so turned on watching him fuck her and then me fucking her and then fucking him. I get turned on just writing about this right now. I close my eyes and I see her sweetness and I just want to gobble it all up.

I was worried that my connection with him was overly influenced by the ecstasy since that’s the “love drug” so I was overly pleasantly surprised when he contacted me mid-week asking if I was free on Saturday to play. 

I was and we did and the connection and the chemistry wasn’t the ecstasy. It is real. It’s visceral. I have never had anyone fuck me like he does. He fits like a glove – or rather I fit him like a glove.

Our connection is full of passion and lust and joy. He has been non-monogamous forever and seems to always have a primary girlfriend and then other relationships. I haven’t figured out how many he has ongoing but whatever. As long as we have time together.

He talked a lot about more time together, about getting together regularly, about also playing with her again and going to swinger clubs. He also asked about sleepovers – I said we’d have to see about that – I want to sleep with him and wake up in his arms, but I really hate people in my bed.

I think about him and I get all quivery and wet. I am excited to see how this one goes – and am amazed at our chemistry because it wasn’t like this before.

Three years have passed and we are both different people. My chemistry has literally changed with the HRT and I want different things now – I also have gotten more physical and aggressive with sex than I was before. No more wimpy sex. I like it hard and thick and strong and he is that – all 6’3 of him.

His background – ancestry – is similar to mine – so that may be part of it – we are literally from similar tribes – scottish, irish, british isles, etc. He has amazing blue eyes…. – ok I’m gushing.

Reading some more about polyamory, I discover a concept of solo poly and reading about this, I think this describes me. I want deep relationships. I want great sex. I want support and friendship and companionship.

But I don’t want that all with one person and I don’t want to live with anyone or get married or have that other domestic stuff. 

Lots of upcoming possibilities – I like the play, I like meeting new people even if it doesn’t work out and I am eager to settle in to some kind of set of routines with the people I choose to share my life / body / interests / explorations with.